WHAT IF YOU BELIEVED YOUR PRESENCE ONLY ADDED VALUE?

You know how they say that how you do one thing, is how you do everything?

I also believe that how you think about yourself, or hold yourself back in one area, is how you think about yourself or hold yourself back in every area.

Aka: your limiting beliefs and fears of not being good enough or worthy enough, if showing up and knockin’ on your door in one area, are CERTAINLY showing up and knockin’ on that door of your soul, wanting to be heard, in other areas.

And maybe in ALL areas.

Yay for doing the inner work!

For me, one of my deepest fears or, let’s say, underlying beliefs which I allow to hold me back, is that people don’t like me or want me around.

I’ve often had friends or mentors remark about how frequently I make comments that “I thought such and such person didn’t like me”.

I noticed this 6 or so months ago … it had been running as a pattern pretty much my WHOLE FUCKING LIFE prior to that … but I really started to tune in to it last year.

My ASSUMPTION was always that people – especially ones who are fellow leaders / successful folks, but really just anyone – probably don’t like me.

Are quite possibly annoyed by my existance.

And would NOT care to see me dare to show my face in a room.

I can tell you that, as silly as this might sound to you, EVERY time I have attended some sort of seminar or event, or just connected with somebody new, I have been scared, nervous, certain that they will be dismayed to have to see me or be around me.

And that whether or not they show it, I’m not gonna be good enough, cool enough, ACCEPTED.

I’ve felt this about people who are way higher level than me.

People who are at a similar stage (I mean biz fame / results, when I say higher level).

And people who are at any other stage earlier on than me.

Basically, I’ve felt it about every single fucking person in the world except for the ones who I already KNOW like me … and even then, I have, with friends, often been EASILY triggered into thinking I’m not good enough for that person, or they don’t really like me THAT much, or that they feel sorry for me, or something like that.

And I worry a LOT – if in an environment with people who are not MY people who I already KNOW accept me – about what people think of me.

I imagine all KINDS of things they are probably saying or sneering or rolling their eyes about in their heads!

OFTEN, I do my damn thing anyway.

But not always …

When I write all this out and own it like THIS, it’s mildly astonishing to me that despite all of that I have still built the business I have, and I still show up like a BADASS!

The simple reason for THAT is I do in fact practice, at least somewhat, what I preach:

I don’t let my BULLSHIT be bigger than my dreams.

When it comes to how I show up online, I allow the leader and badass WITHIN to run the show.

I put aside my own fears, insecurities, ‘what will they think’s’ –

And I show the fuck up with BELLS on, as you’ve seen.

By the way, that’s a CONTINUAL process, the putting aside my own shit stuff and pressing play, or publish, or go live, etc! Like … nearly daily!

So yeah … I’ve shown up, I’ve built an empire, I am KNOWN as a leader and successful entrepreneur, yay me, for being bigger than my own drama!

Except …

Only thing is …

When I journaled this morning on ‘what do I know for sure, about ME?’, along with a bunch of cool stuff which came up, I also found myself writing the sentence ‘I am restricting my money flow, impact, fame’.

It stopped me in my writing flow, and I asked myself WHY?

And the answer came back very clearly:

I’m scared of being seen.
I’m scared of getting in trouble for being seen or heard or too much.
I’m scared of people not liking me, or me being a nuisance or a hassle.

And then I wrote ‘what if I believed my presence ONLY added value?, which was how this blog was of course born.

This was not a breakthrough realisation for me … I’ve known for years I MASSIVELY limit how much I am seen. But I suppose it IS a breakthrough, in that I’ve never fully connected it in with everything else.

Yesterday I had maybe the BIGGEST breakthrough I have ever had relevant to man stuff.

I realised that my underlying ASSUMPTION is that men don’t want to ‘have to’ spend time with me.

That I am a hassle.
An irritation.
That they will ‘put up with it’ if they have to … or ‘do what they have to’ to keep me happy … with an air of eye-rolling or a slight patronishing attitude about it.
That I exasperate them, but they ‘have to deal with it’.
And that if they would spend time with me or do something for me, it’s basically as a favour to me or some sort of obligation or something.

The FUN FUCKING THOUGHTS AND AWARENESSES YOU HAVE WHILE LOUNGING AROUND ON YOUR DAY BED IN BALI!

Ha! It might LOOK like beautiful bliss here (and it is), but let me tell you –

Bali loves to do the DEEP work on you. Bali loves to CONFRONT you with your shit. Bali loves to shake you upside down and ask how bad you want it!

I’ve said many times and I’ll say it again – DON’T COME TO BALI IF YOU DON’T WANNA DEAL WITH THE TRUTH!

And OH – how I want to deal with the truth, and so I am HUGELY grateful for this realisation.

At first when it came up, I thought – ‘of course’.

Both of my husbands got irritated with me very easily … as time went on, more and more, I got to where I was scared to ask for ANYTHING or have ANY needs.

I remember being on road trips, and psyching myself up for even HOURS to ask if we can pull over for a Starbucks.

It was always SUCH A NUISANCE, for me to want or need something.

Often I got in trouble.

At the very best, the energy was TREACHEROUS, and I knew that, once again, I was causing a problem.

When I did ask for or need things, I learned to be apologetic in advance, my words would fall over themselves fast as I promised promised promised that it wouldn’t take long, it wouldn’t be a big deal or whatever, it won’t disrupt HIM.

Don’t feel too sorry for me … I know that I also did this BACK to my partner.

I easily showed my irritation at being interrupted writing or working.

A LOT.

I remember many times him saying ‘I feel scared to ask you for anything’.

We are always and only a mirror.

And I guess in this area, we grew together in a NOT so fun way, to where this prickly energy was just a thing with us.

So, I acknowledged all of this yesterday.

And I thought WHY though, why did this come about in my adult life, where did it STEM from?

I don’t think we need to always know where things came from.

But it can be helpful, and it’s okay to be curious!

The thing is … I’ve sworn black and blue to mentors and friends that all my man stuff and toxic relationship stuff is just NON-SENSICAL, as my childhood was bliss, by anybody’s definition.

But when I tuned in deeper yesterday, I noticed –

Huh.

There is actually a pattern there from way back.

There are actually things from the WHOLE way back, where I learned that me being too loud, or sometimes even seen or heard at all, was exasperating, a nuisance, or just not ALLOWED.

I think that for you and I … for those like us … this is a pretty fucking common thing to experience! It’s in our NATURE to be ‘too much’. We are the ones who were born to stand out! I know I have to walk a very fine line with my daughter, for example, in not pouring water on HER light but also sometomes, seriously – for the love of God! – will that girl EVER not need attention or wanna perform for you?! I just need a MINUTE!

Ha.

The thing to understand about all of this stuff, is nobody every did anything WRONG.

I mean this in that EVERYTHING you have felt or experienced from somebody else has been FOR YOUR OWN GROWTH.

I realise this is a very hard statement to consider, for some people more so than others.

The reason I choose to believe it, for me, and ask you to consider it, for you, is that in doing so you GIVE YOURSELF THE POWER OF CHOICE TO CHOOSE.

And to change.

When I choose to see that all experiences – ALL – happened for my own growth, I can then empower myself to step INTO said growth, and also to choose a new way of believing –

And a new way of showing up.

Not to mention the ability to share my message in a new or deeper way with you, and trust it may in some way impact or help you to own YOUR power, message, art, truth, LIGHT.

The beautiful thing about beliefs is that they are ALWAYS OPEN FOR CONSIDERATION AND CHANGE.

So today I encourage you to consider one which I myself am trying on for size, and know I will very much KEEP –

What if your presence ONLY added value?

How would you show up?
What would you say?
Who would you be?
And what would we get to see?

Just something to think about. x

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