WHAT I DO WHEN MY WORK FEELS LIKE BULLSHIT, AND I THINK THAT I SUCK

I did a livestream yesterday which SUCKED. I started feeling in the zone, and happy, and ‘me’, and then as I went I started to feel some sort of creeping ‘ugh’. A slight self-consciousness … a feeling of not being ‘properly’ dropped in … an annoyance that I could notice my own inner commentary at all, rather than just being there, and in the conversation, and knowing I am putting down what people need to pick up.

You know?

I got off the livestream and I felt – yuck. I want to delete it! I HATE when I’m not in my flow, and have the double barrelled curse of a) feeling uncomfortable about the idea that I looked or sounded like an idiot, and b) questioning whether I delivered anything helpful! I felt irritated at myself for … well, I’m not sure.

For not being perfect?
For not ALWAYS feeling fully ‘on’?
That I should have somehow done something differently in order to make sure that this and every other thing I present to the world is my BEST WORK EVER?

Haha. One thing I love and appreciate about me is that I can simultaneously be tearing strips off of myself, or hanging my head in some kind of ‘woe is me’ sorry and shame (lol), while at the same time also laughing and rolling my eyes at my own ridiculousness.

And it IS ridiculous. Because actually the livestream was gold, and I’m just being hard on myself? Well, truly I’ve no idea. I re-watched the start which was fine, and then decided to let it go and didn’t watch any further. It may or may not have been any good. I’ve put 1000 or more things out into the world that I felt this way about. MANY blogs, livestreams, even courses. Where some part of me wanted to squirm and hide and delete and run away. Where the inner critic was SCREECHING at me –

“That was stupid! You looked moronic! You’re all over the place! What, you think you said anything there that the whole world didn’t already know? You really are kidding yourself!”

Or just that I felt UNCOMFORTABLE … TOO conscious of my own human-ness … overthinking every little move I made or didn’t make or should have made!

You know?

>> IF I LISTENED ALL, OR EVEN HALF, OR EVEN 20% OF THE TIMES THAT THE VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD TOLD ME TO RUN AND HIDE, TO DELETE, OR TO NOT CREATE OR POST OR PUBLISH IN THE FIRST PLACE, I WOULD NOT BE HERE.

And neither would you.

Not in THIS space, with me, because I wouldn’t have a space, or certainly – not one like this.

I have become the leader and go-to messenger for so many hundreds of thousands of people around the world because I am really freakin’ disciplined at putting my own bullshit aside … at making it all ‘not about me’ … at letting the message be the message, and getting myself TF outta the way when my fear mind tries to take over.

Have you?
Are you?
Are you WILLING to?

If you don’t, it’s extremely unlikely that you will ever be the voice you are meant to be, or really –

Create anything.

So whether or not yesterday’s live that my little self-conscious inner girl wanted to delete was any good HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING. It’s not the point of this message, and indeed it’s also none of MY business, and my opinion doesn’t matter.

Have a lil think about that, yeah? –

^^^ Whether or not your message, and what you put out there, is any good, is not your business, and your opinion doesn’t matter.

Does that mean you should just whack out any old idea or thought that pops into your mind, with no regard for quality, for intent, for being your BEST?

Uhhh … no! Of course not! Don’t be moronic; you should ONLY do your bestest and most true work!

This is not a contradiction to what I just said before that!

Your job, in being fully you, and letting what’s inside of you out, is to be simultaneously committed to following God, soul, higher self, your inner wisdom / voice / truth (for me it works roughly in this order, aka … I plant my soul, intuition, inner wisdom, etc, in God),

and also to HAND IT OVER AND LET WHATEVER NEEDS TO COME OUT COME OUT.

Can I ask you a question which might help to make this clear, even if a little scary?

How would your showing up look if you had absolute trust,
that what comes out of you,
is what is meant to come out of you,
is coming from the right place,
is what is NEEDED,
and has been GIVEN to you with the understanding that you will be responsible to let it out,
and live?

How much EASIER, faster, more flow, and also – more aligned with speaking DEEP to the core of the people who you are actually here to impact – would it be, if you truly never had to think about any kind of version of “is this okay”, and –

if, on the occasions you DID wonder or question that, you knew that BECAUSE of trust, BECAUSE of your foundation, BECAUSE of who you are, and the way you take guidance and also live your life,

the ‘rule’ was just to get on with it anyway?

Do you think you might produce more?
Create more?
Sell more?
Serve more?
Help more?
And ultimately –

be YOU more?

‘kay, it was more than one question. 😉

Here’s the thing beautiful:

The job of being you was given to you long ago.
You’ve always known what it is.
Even when you’ve felt you DON’T know … you did, you do, you’ve never not.
It’s been there your entire life.
A sensing. A certainty. A knowing. A nudge.

Yes –

it is a responsibility to tend to that flame, take care of it, put IN what is good, and useful, and of integrity, and true, so that what comes out is good … useful … of integrity … and true.

But this is not something to go back and forth on every day, or with every message or idea or creation, trying to assess whether it fits the bill, whether it should be allowed to live.

In the end, at a certain point, it’s very simple:

You either decided to trust, and then you got TF outta the way AS A WAY OF LIVING, and let the message be the message, the art be the art, the work be the work, or?

You shall remain twisting in torment in the bowels of whichever place artists and messengers who don’t use the gifts they are given remain,

and living a life of bullshit.

Wanna know when that ‘certain point’ is??

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