This Is How I Bullshit Myself
Sometimes I feel like I can’t tell the difference between when I’m bullshitting myself and sabotaging myself versus when I’m doing the right thing based on alignment and truth.
Do you ever feel that way? Like, you thought the things you were thinking were absolute, truths, how it IS; you being following your heart, but then a minute passes, a day, a week, and it starts to eat away and you wonder –
Is it resistance?
Is it just INSECURITY, again, thinking I’m not good enough?
I’ve had a few wake up calls recently that have caused me to realise:
Sometimes things aren’t aligned and I should RUN RUN RUN AS FAST AS I CAN!!
But a lot of the time?
I’m just scared.
Or unsure.
Or being a big fucking baby about the work I don’t feel ready to do, the resistance that has me in its grip, and so then I smugly say to myself that the OUTCOME isn’t aligned after all when in actual fact I really fucking want the outcome I just don’t feel I know how to get it. Or yeah – I don’t want to do the work. Or I’m scared I might not be good enough and so it’s safer not to start.
And here’s the thing:
I am a fucking action-taker.
Someone who does the work.
What it takes.
No matter what it takes.
And doesn’t let the odd speed-bump or even a freaking explosion in her path slow her down.
When I’ve DECIDED I’m going to ‘get’ or achieve something, I do.
Plain.
And simple.
So when I’m NOT doing something I said I wanted?
It’s hard for me to admit I’m just running scared. So hard, that I ACTUALLY DON’T TEND TO EVEN THINK OF THAT. I have become an EXPERT at telling myself something isn’t RIGHT for me because that fits into my identity more readily than telling myself ‘Hey Kat – you’re being a total PUSSY about it; get the fuck over it and go make it happen!’.
I’m only just waking up to this, and I certainly don’t mean that ALL THE THINGS I have written off or refused to do as out of alignment are things I was just avoiding.
Hell no: there is no way I’d HAVE the 7-figure business and dream life and lifestyle, where I get to make money doing what I love, on my terms and with KICKASS superwomen clients, if I hadn’t refused to conform and instead INSISTED on doing what felt awesome and fun and RIGHT.
Alignment is a REAL FUCKING THING.
But, it can also be an excuse.
And, it’s a bit of a tight-rope to have to walk. You don’t want to start anxiously over-thinking everything but here is what I think can be helpful. Questions I am learning to ask myself, to separate the BS from the truth:
1. Do I want the outcome?
Yes or no. There is no in between.
2. Does doing the work to get there ABSOLUTELY go against my values and what I believe?
Yes or no.
If yes, is there a different way? Hint: there’s always a different way. So, continue.
If no, continue.
3. Am I scared (of doing the work, of what getting there would mean, of what could go wrong, etc?)
If no, continue.
If yes, does this matter enough to stop me wanting the OUTCOME and being willing to create it?
If yes, the fear is more important, stop. Don’t chase this goal anymore. If no, continue.
4. Am I unsure (of whether I deserve it or am good enough, of whether I know how, of whether it would work, etc?)
If no, continue.
If yes, does this matter enough to stop me trying?
If yes, it does matter enough, stop; find a goal worth pursuing despite fear.
If no, continue.
You can play out every possible scenario in your mind this way if you want to.
What if this, what if that, what if it hurts, what if I don’t know how, what if I never get there, what if it’s UNCOMFORTABLE, what if I have to stretch myself in a way that hurts, etc etc. I don’t know about you but I personally am an EXPERT at analysing things. This can help me figure out and RELEASE my own bs and limitations, but it IS a double-edged sword.
Sometimes analysis paralyses you.
Sometimes it gets you so fucking focused on the stuff you DON’T want that you forget about what you DO want.
If you come back to what you do want, it gets really fucking clear.
Commit to getting there.
Stop getting all worked up about whether or not you FEEL like doing what it takes to get there.
Take action to get there.
Adjust, repeat, continue.
Until you’re there.
And the ultimate question to ask, to recognise your own BS:
If I were to be handed the OUTCOME on a silver platter and not have to face all the stuff currently between me and it, would I want it?
If it’s not ALIGNED, on a true soul or values level, then the answer will be an EASY no.
But if of COURSE YOU’D FUCKING WANT IT, no questions asked, then it’s fucking aligned.
You’re just not doing what it takes to make it happen.
So:
Get over yourself.
You want the stuff you say you want, or don’t you?
And if yes:
Do the fucking work.
Do it now.
Keep doing it.
Success is a SIMPLE fucking beast, really. The hardest part is putting your own nonsense aside for long enough to get down to business. So, by all means, give yourself 10 minutes of ‘omfg what if’ self-expression in your journal, or to a friend, or while working out, etc, but after that?
Grit your teeth.
Square your shoulders.
Have some fucking DISCIPLINE.
And do what you know you need to do.
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