LEARNING TO WAIT IN GRATITUDE, BEING OKAY WITH YOUR NEED

A few years ago I wrote and published a blog with the title ‘I’M A STRONG INDEPENDENT BADASS WOMAN, AND I STILL NEED A MAN’.

(You can read it here: https://bit.ly/2En78Ry)

There was a teeny little bit of hoo-ha in the comments. Some women agreeing with me. Several furiously disagreeing. And one man in particular who took it upon himself, for several weeks thereafter, to angrily tell me and as much of the world as would listen why women like me who think we’re all that are the problem with life and all of humanity. lol. That made for some fun follow-on livestreams …

Let’s side-step; and come back to that post in just a mo’ –

Last night I popped a quick little post up asking “what are you doing to prepare for and be in waiting of the King?”.

I was deliberately (in my mind at least) being a little obtuse with my wording. I said ‘the’ King … I could have said ‘The’, to make it more obvious, but I wanted to see how people would respond. Would they think I am talking about God, or ‘a’ / ‘their / your’ King aka ‘the Man’?

95% of people answered assuming I was asking about waiting on a relationship; preparing for a man as in partner. Which I kind of knew they would I guess, not everybody shares my beliefs nor consciously chooses to answer to God, and I guess love and the attracting of it is quite the topic du jour … tourjours, or so it seems … in many corners of social media. But that’s not what got me! What got just a little bit under my skin, and really got me to thinking, is the comments posted with certainty around or should I say AGAINST the ‘waiting’ bit.

“A Queen doesn’t wait on a King”

“Don’t even think ‘waiting'”

“No ‘waiting’, just knowing.”

Hmm, interesting! What was it within me that just didn’t sit right with the idea that waiting is bad or wrong? I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, and I also felt a bit confused by it, because Lord knows I’m the first one out there telling woman to simply BE, to remember and own all that they always were, in all areas, and so will your dream life be able to show up for you!

Yet still –

I couldn’t find myself feeling ‘yes’ to the idea that waiting, or, implied, NEEDING, is a dirty word, a bad idea.

Another slight side-step –

Lately I’ve been really enjoying an ongoing thread in posts by Nicole Gayle, Mark Binet, Gregory Noack, and, of course, always, Kissy Denise, which have been diving in to the idea that a woman needs to own her NEED for a man, in order for him to show up. Every part of my soul says yes to this! YES, I need a man and am okay with owning that! NO, I do not think that makes me weak, less than, not a fully embodied woman. Quite the opposite. Exactly as I wrote in my 2017 post which I referenced above!

In so many areas of my life I learned to become okay with, and yes even to be grateful for and EMBRACE, the ‘void’, which, looking back, I would say was INEVITABLE, before the breakthrough.

Before my business broke through to making millions each year and only soul-led, I went into the void. I sat in the void. I became one with the void. Heck, I damn near became the void, and maybe I did! I got comfortable with waiting, with holding, with practicing patience, with allowing waiting WELL to be a thing which moulded me, sculpted me, grew me into the woman I needed to be in order to then ALLOW through said millions and, more relevantly, allow through the unfolding of my souls truest work.

I am so grateful for the period in which I WAITED, and so grateful to the me who finally, after years of stubbornly trying to push and force an outcome, SURRENDERED to and found the joy, excitement, beauty, and POWER in the wait.

I look at so many of you who are trying to ‘make it’ in online business, and sister, brother, I gotta tell ya –

You’re not waiting nicely. You’re in force not surrender. Force leading to CONTRACTION, which, I’m sure I don’t have to remind you, is not an energy of receiving. And, you think that patience, waiting, need are all dirty words or, at the very best, some kind of occasional necessary evil.

I would put it to you that your greatest breakthrough, in MULTIPLE areas of your life, would be in what you would GAIN, and who you would BECOME, if you were to lean into and embrace, even long for, the wait!

This morning, thinking on these things, I sat down with my journal and dug in. Reminded myself of who I am, and asked higher self, and God, for a little further clarity on why I was feeling confused again about this waiting thing.

“Hmm … what do I think about being in waiting … I think waiting is a good thing!

Waiting is where you are carved and moulded. Waiting is NOT anti-being! Waiting CREATES deeper being-ness.

It is okay to wait.
It is okay to need.

Being in waiting does not mean your life is on pause! It is often where your life is CREATED”.

It seems to me that so many badass strong women, and I know I myself have been this woman, back when I learned to build walls around every little part of myself and prove to the world that I could do and have it all and ALL by myself, are hard-selling an idea that WE DON’T NEED ANYTHING AND WE CAN DO IT ALL OURSELVES AND WE CAN HAVE IT NOW.

Well,

this may well be true.

But I guess it depends on what outcome you’re actually going for, hmm? And also … how’s it working out for you, that whole ‘don’t need no-thang’ way of playing life?

To me it feels like something I got tired of a long time ago.

To me it feels like my soul is expanded, lit up, and I am able to be EVEN more of me, when I own my needs, when I am vulnerable in my needs.

And, it feels to me like a GOOD thing, a GROWTH thing, and yes, also a fun thing, to be in waiting.

I think about THE King (King of Kings), and I know I GET to be in waiting, I GET to prepare, and – aha moment right here, for some of you! – that in that waiting and preparation is precisely where I find my deepest ‘next level’ self.

I think about A / ‘my’ King, the man, and you know what? Yes, I wait on him. Yes, I prepare for him! Yes, I need him! No, none of that negates my strength or badassery! I believe it adds to it.

And no, none of it is me putting my life on pause so that one day I will then feel that now I am really living.

I am fully living now.

And I will be fully living then.

I can be in waiting, in preparation, in need, without it detracting from my fullness of being.

Also, I actively enjoy the wait, the preparation, the observation of that need and desire, the anticipation of all that is to come.

From the simplest things like, slowly dancing into my feminine and doing certain rituals, routines, softening, whatever it might be, sitting deeper into ME, when I have a date coming up –

To enjoying the anticipation of when we will next communicate, the ‘waiting’ around that, or around when we’ll next meet up in person –

To continuing, with every breath I take, to prepare myself always for what is coming next and yes that includes the man part as much as every other part of what I know is coming in my life –

I enjoy all of it!

When I resisted need, resisted having to ever wait, resisted the practicing of patience, made it that I always had to be self-sufficient and whole in and of myself, I resisted with it the very breath of God allowing me to BE fully alive.

I breathed only oxygen, but not true life.

When I surrendered to need, to the wait, to the void, I felt the IMMEDIATE support and force of the entire cosmos come behind me and up alongside me to carry me.

“Ah … there you are! I’ve been waiting to hold you and fly with you THIS ENTIRE TIME!”.

In the end, it’s very very simple:

Everything up until now has prepared you for this moment.
This moment right here is preparing you for everything that is still to come.

The question is –

are you allowing yourself to be prepared, or are you stomping your foot and insisting on an idea that you don’t need nothin’, because if it’s the latter, I gotta tell ya –

Don’t be surprised if you get it.

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