CHRISTIANITY, UPDATED: YOU HAVE AN OPEN LINE OF COMMUNICATION WITH GOD. WHEN YOU GON’ USE THAT SHIT?
One of my oldest friends asked me yesterday, a question I found I got stuck on, am still stuck on a little bit, and couldn’t yet bring myself to answer.
When I don’t know how to answer somebody –
I find it easier to respond via 2000-word blog post 
Fear not! It might only end up being 1111 words; who knows!
It’s a fantastic way to process your truth; this messaging every day thing. And you thought I did it for biz-niz or money making … ha! It’s all entirely for the unleashing of my soul …
AND it happens to result in people paying me millions of dollars, whilst I sit around in bed gazing directly into the ocean in my front yard right now, for example, here in Bali, just sinking deeper into me …
Try it
Try just LETTING OUT WHATEVER IS ACTUALLY IN IN THAT MOMENT, specifically; it’s all I do.
Anyway –
My friend asked –
“I experienced God as unconditional love, and realised we’re all part of it not separate from it, and I wondered, with your experience of what you channel and stuff, how that reconciles with your Christian beliefs.
I thought … the traditional Christian explanation is separative, not inclusive, it’s not about union, it talks about it as separate, that there is a separateness from ‘the’ God, and that’s not how I experienced it.
So I wanted to know how you experienced it?”
I don’t know if it was because, when he asked me this, I was on the back end of 24-hours of travel, had got my period mid-way through said travel, and was already feeling the energy of Bali fuck-unfucking me whatever-the-fuck-it-is that happens here, as those of you who are also soul-called here, know, and I was feeling GRUMPY, for the first time in ages, at being here, or just because I did find it confusing to think about how to answer, but either way –
Nothing was coming through me.
I didn’t know what to say.
So, I went to yoga.
I think that when people ask me stuff like this, which they do a lot, and near to daily now in some way somebody thanks me for in some way impacting them to draw closer to or BACK to God, I get a mild sort of panic.
Partly this is fear of upsetting my parents; specifically my mother, with something I might say online that would cause her to think I am acting from a NON-Godly spiritual place, or, let’s say, and we (Mum and I) talked about this only last week, opening myself up to dark spiritual forces which are NOT of, or from, the light.
Side note:
I very consciously do not choose to open myself up to the dark spiritual world.
I am not available for entities not of the light to enter me or communicate with me.
Yes, I believe in demons, aliens, dark forces, spirits, etc.
I do not wish to engage with them.
This is (part of) why I personally will never engage in plant medicine.
I believe it is opening up an ‘all-knowing’ channel which we as humans basically, well, do not fucking need and are not supposed to have.
I BELIEVE in allowing certain mysteries OF God, the Universe, our time here, to stay just that.
I believe that when we open ourselves up to an all-knowing, a knowledge of good and evil, let’s say, that we allow ourselves to become a gateway for forces we will never be fully aware of, we give access and permission to them through us, we create generational curses, and we mess with shit we basically not supposed to mess with.
I believe it takes us AWAY from God, from soul, from our highest truth, and that it disconnects us from pure love and light.
I believe YOU might believe, or choose, that you’re only opening to good from these things.
I understand this.
That belief doesn’t align for me.
I’ve soul checked it many times, and it’s a hell to the NOFUCKINGWAYEVER.
I know where I draw MY source, soul, knowing, truth from.
Okay, I’m tangenting already …
The other reason I get a little panicky when people ask me my opinion of what God is, is I don’t want to in some way be a false prophet.
I am conscious that of the responsibility which comes with my leader role.
Okay, this was just a conversation with a friend, but still. I have been asked these things many times. I talk about God a lot. I identify as Christian. I was raised Christian, in a very Christian household; my Grandfather was a preacher, I get my story-telling and performing from him for sure, and actually where I learned to SELL was church
Also, my church experience, even though it led to much confusion … as does most of freaking life, lol … was positive and uplifting. I know many people did not experience this growing up. My church felt welcoming to all and loving of all, and it was there that I learned love and acceptance.
Church was also, if you think about it, where 99.99% of my messaging comes from 
I always believed –
Like the song back in the day said –
That I have a destiny –
I know I shall fulfill
And now I just preach on that myself, for you! With or without the God references.
I always KNEW, actually, and it was prophesied over me. that I would become a preacher of sorts.
I didn’t realise it would be like this.
And it’s only the last few years I realised I just keep on talkin’ about God, and now I need to answer for that that!!
I don’t throw the word around flippantly.
It MEANS something to me.
But perhaps not exactly what I always thought it did, not exactly how I took the lessons I was served up; a lot of fear stuff impacted my God-journey, and now, I seek to unravel it, not just for me, but also for those who I in some way inspire, so that they too can come to know God, God, God IN and THROUGH them (we get to that), in a way which is EXPANSIVE AND EMPOWERING, not FEAR and “I’ll never do it right” driven.
So –
It’s kind of –
I don’t want to ‘mess with’ fundamental beliefs I grew up with, because at my core, I believe in God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and I believe what I was taught growing up.
I believe in the TRUTH of what it ACTUALLY means to be a Christian, or, a better way for me personally to say it, is I believe in the truth of what it means to be connected to God.
I believe I receive direct communication and messages from God, and sometimes I refer to that online as higher power, or even as my own soul, but actually, my belief is it comes through me from God.
Perhaps I could be clearer on this.
AND we still need to talk about who or what God is.
I’m getting there …
But! Do I believe that the exact structures, or wording, or rules, or ideals I was taught or bought into are correct?
NO.
I think I have had to … am getting to, still … undo a LOT of what I thought I knew about Christianity, and God.
Just 6 months or so back I felt the floor of my entire LIFE drop away from me, when I had an out and open conversation with my parents.
I had reached out to my cousin, who is a year or so younger than I and who I categorise in my head as ‘real Christian’ whereas my personal opinion of myself WAS ‘I have no fucking clue what I’m doing and I’m scared of going to hell’ … YEAH … I KNOW … don’t comment yet … I’m talking you through it …!!! … and also I reached out to my youngest brother, who I similarly categorise, and I think I asked something like what it means to be a true Christian, but more specifically I wanted to know their thoughts on
AM I GOING TO GO TO HELL BECAUSE I SIN ALL THE TIME SO WHAT’S THE POINT OF ME EVEN TRYING, I’M DOOMED TO FAIL
Right??!
I know, I know, I know.
Don’t get your knickers in a knot.
I KNOW many church / God upbringings have resulted in people (like me!) living their ENTIRE LIVES IN FEAR … and I also choose to be compassionate with myself around this, and own it as part of my journey and story rather than feel like ‘why in the actual fuck would I have believed that?’
Well, long story short, my cousin and my brother BOTH – SHOCKINGLY to me at the time, I might add – were like yeah … nah.
That’s not a thing.
It’s not if you accidentally die right after you sinner, ba-bom for you.
SIDE NOTE –
If you don’t believe in heaven and hell, maybe this conversation isn’t for you … then again, maybe there is already heaven and hell to access inside of you right NOW, and that’s something to think about and keep reading for; hmmm?!
Anyway.
They talked about a revolutionary fucking concept called –
GRACE.
Aka – you commit your intention and decision (to believe in God, have faith in God, act as BEST AS YOU CAN from that place, take time daily to tune in and HEAR what is aligned to act on, choose, etc) and then you simply SHOW UP FOR YOUR LIFE.
Daily tuning in.
Daily hearing what you’re guided to from within.
Daily connecting to purpose.
Daily aligned action.
SOUND FAMILIAR???!
Actually, my cousin said to me something like “Katrina, it’s basically the same as what you teach online …”
(prolly without all the cursing and sex talk)
Mind.
Blown.
But!
This was all very well, and I DID want to believe it, and I trusted the sources as suitably proper-Godly, but LET’S HEAR WHAT MUM AND DAD HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS, I thought.
I KNEW they would say that this notion of grace was WRONG.
I was CERTAIN they were going to confirm what I ‘knew’, which is that you HAVE TO BE PERFECT AND IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY DIE WHILE NOT BEING PERFECT YOU’RE SCREWED.
After all – THIS IS WHAT I WAS TAUGHT MY ENTIRE LIFE!
For 38 years I have lived in fear of NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH FOR GOD.
And I damn straight KNEW what I KNEW I’d been told!
Except –
Lil’ problem.
MY PARENTS FLAT OUT DIDN’T AGREE WITH ME.
They ALSO said the grace thing.
I
was
horrified
Not at the idea that I wasn’t going to accidentally die and go to hell. lol.
At the idea that everything I had based my LIFE on was my OWN MISUNDERSTANDING.
And to be honest I was a little outraged –
Who the FUCK had TOLD me this then? I had literally lived my life believing this is what THEY said … or was it the church … or my Grandparents … somebody said I was going to hell! Somebody said no matter what I didn’t have what it took? Who?!
Maybe you think “DAMN, couldn’t this chick have just thought for herself?” … I mean, it’s kind of what I’m known for!
But, be nice to me … we all have our insecurities and fears.
For me, my greatest one has always been not being good enough. I think a lot of people relate to this.
So, who better or what better to not be good enough for, then God?
Apparently … according to my Mum … I basically just made this shit up.
Well, she didn’t say it like that
She said she’s so sorry I’ve thought that, and that they have no idea why … that obviously that was my perception and interpretation.
And I told her – “it’s why I haven’t even tried, with God, for years.
I felt like what’s even the point?”
And I felt ANGRY, when I thought of all the people, like me, who had drifted away from God, due to this shit. When they actually DID feel the call!
Imagine … having a call, and not answering it; hmm?!
And I thought –
WHY WEREN’T PEOPLE TELLING PEOPLE?
It was beautifully sad and amazing all at once.
I still feel a little shocked and outraged, thinking about it! What the fuck? Alert the press! TELL SOMEBODY!
Which I now am I guess …
And try to, really, just in the way I live my life.
As I always knew, my whole life, I would, with the God thing …
Anyhow.
NOW.
I don’t have all the answers.
I DON’T WANT ALL THE ANSWERS.
That’s kind of the point.
I’m here to SEEK, and never stop seeking.
If I stop the seeking I guess it’s game over!
Every day, ever closer to purpose, to alignment, to living and acting and showing up and BEING, from faith, from trust, and yes, from God.
So no, I don’t know it all, but here is what I do know for sure –
I am not God.
Yet God is in me.
He breathes THROUGH me.
Jesus said “I am the way, the truth, and the life”
“I am” … ‘I am’ is Jesus.
‘I am’ is also BEING IN WHO YOU ARE.
‘I am’ is when you are fully just being you, the way you were formed, a soul, not your self, not your ego, not the shell you walk around with.
I happen to believe that being fully in who I AM, and was formed as, my SOUL, which has been I AM since all time, is FULL CONNECTION TO GOD, and honouring of Him IN and THROUGH me.
I am confused still as I write this.
I WILL PROBABLY ALWAYS BE CONFUSED.
But just as I will never stop seeking purpose –
Alignment –
Faith-based living in my business and life –
I will also never stop seeking God.
When I talk of channeling, of downloading, of having visions, of KNOWING things, psychically or otherwise, of reading energy, of being able to tune in and connect with someone, for example, on the other side of the earth, who has opened up THEIR soul to me in some way, and read them … and of doing magic …
Maybe this doesn’t sound like things that good Christians talk about.
But,
I believe we have access to far greater spiritual realms than what we will ever know or understand.
I believe MAGIC can be done in the name of God.
I believe we can TRANSCEND TIME AND SPACE, travel in our dreams or waking, and basically do some pretty level as fuck crazy shit that most people wouldn’t EVER even entertain, let alone think as being from GOD.
I have chosen to say goodbye to living in fear that I’m going to get it wrong, and screw up my life AND after life.
I chose in business that I LITERALLY CAN’T SCREW IT UP if I just act from faith, and what I feel and know to be true inside of me.
I choose the same in life, and in God.
My FAITH is that God is real, and is available in and through each of us.
My DECISION is that I align with the light in spirituality, in God.
I choose to not open myself up to dark magic.
I am not a witch.
For ME it is not in alignment to use certain methods (such as medicines) as GATEWAYS to the unknown.
I am not interested in channeling demons, or aliens, or entities no longer OF God –
(because, of course, all things came FROM God, originally, so I won’t say not FROM)
I am not interested in losing consciousness, or destabilising my connection TO God, and soul, in order to access other realms.
I am not interested in accessing spiritual powers which do not feel, for me, from the light.
I am however fully aware of and open to the fact that the spiritual world is REAL, that we have powers beyond what we can ever fathom or measure, that we can truly work miracles, that manifestation ORIGINATED from God, and that if we open ourselves up as a vessel TO the light, we receive visions … downloads … knowing … prochecy … AWARENESS … and, of course, awakeness.
I have over the past several years, especially this past year, allowed myself permission to waken up spiritual powers in me which were long dormant because I was scared of them, and I thought it was bad and wrong.
I thought it was coming from a bad place.
My Mum said – the words I use might cause people to think I’m coming from NOT God, from darkness, witchcraft, essentially –
And I said, but the dark is just a mirror of the light. It can look the same. Things that can be done in God’s name can also be done not so, or in the name of, well … whatever. It’s about where it comes from.
“Well”, she said. “That’s true. But how do people know where you’re coming from?”
Good point.
And I guess I was scared to speak of it, because I didn’t know if I was doing it right.
I didn’t want to screw with people’s spiritual beliefs!
But, if you keep reading you’ll see I soon had to let go of that.
And I believe that people do need to know, hey hey –
It’s not about being perfect!
And, hey hey –
What you feel inside of you is ALWAYS real …
And so now here I am, telling you where my magic comes from.
When I was not accessing these things –
I forgot that God gave us power in all things.
And I was living in fear.
Now, yes –
I see things.
I know things.
I read things, across time and space.
I am given NUMEROUS visions, prophecies, downloads … and they are always right.
Yes, I can access truth about you, or any of my clients, or friends, or self.
I CAN SEE INTO YOUR SOUL.
Because I live from mine.
Just as I always did –
As a child –
Way before –
I learned –
It was wrong.
BUT, I am not ALL knowing. I AM NOT GOD.
Being in “I am” is the way. The truth. The light.
So, my mission is simple –
Every day I seek to draw closer.
Every day I tune in.
Every day I go first and foremost WITHIN.
Every day I connect to God.
Every day I connect to purpose.
Every day I connect to soul.
Every day I connect to the greatest I AM.
And then?
I take aligned motherfucking action, from that place.
Look around –
All of these things you’re doing, to try and feel happy, to try and gain certainty, to try and seek knowledge or answers, or hidden truths, to try and BE more, or simply, to evolve, into a higher consciousness, or perhaps, find awakening –
All of these things you seek OUTSIDE OF YOU, or add inTO you, or place UPON you –
How can these things show you the deepest truths of the earth, of the galaxies, and of your self, as well as ‘I am’ –
When the WHOLE DAMN TIME IT’S ALREADY BEEN IN YOU?!
My friend said to me –
On an earlier message –
Because we speak often, of many mystical things –
He said about me –
“You seem to already have access to this stuff”
(talking about things people access THROUGH certain … experiences)
“The way you talk, and write, it’s as though you’re already coming from that place of deep knowing”
And I said, well, yes –
And thank you.
And here is why, I believe –
Because every day, for decades now, even while I was still bound by fear, and not knowing, and scared to get it wrong (business … life … love … spirituality … all of it!) –
I was still seeking.
I was still turning in.
I was tuning in.
And I was doing my best, each and every day, moment, breath, to live from FAITH.
I have made millions of dollars doing this, while only doing what I want, no exceptions; totally from flow and soul.
I have learned how to always have my dream body, and never worry about what I eat or how I workout.
I have learned how to call in fully soulmate clients, and my soul cult tribe.
I have even learned how to allow in soulmate love!
The whole time, for a long time, anyhow, I thought I had turned away from God.
I thought I didn’t know how to connect with Him.
I worried I’d never figure it out.
But yet –
I continued on –
Day by day –
Simply SEEKING THAT WHICH WAS IN ME.
And one day I realised –
That which was in me the whole entire freaking time?
Was God.
And here we are.
I never had to go looking.
Except for deeper within.
So.
When you think you don’t know how –
And you worry you’ll never get there –
And you don’t know if you’re doing it RIGHT –
(and you know I ain’t just talking about God here!)
Why not just continue on –
Day by day –
Simply seeking that which is inside of you –
And living from that place –
And one day, finding –
YOU ALWAYS FUCKING KNEW AND IT WAS ALWAYS FUCKING THERE, AND YOU NEVER HAD TO WAIT TO ACCESS YOUR TRUTH OR YOUR POWER –
You just had to SEEK, tune IN, and act, from faith.
You may not choose to use the word God, or align with all that I’m saying here.
And maybe you’ll be pissed at me ’cause I spoke against things which are oh-so-on-trend right now.
That’s okay.
I’ve lost followers and fans many times before.
But also –
I have many friends and clients who align with things I have in this post said I don’t align with. Just like I have many friends and clients who don’t eat meat! lol. You get my point 
If saying I’m not a witch and I don’t seek God or truth from outside of me, or in any way through darkness, is gonna do it again, FREAKING GOOD.
I will continue to stand up for what I stand for.
But,
Even if you don’t care for my languaging, I think you might agree –
What you seek is seeking you.
And in actual fact?
It’s been in you the whole time.
Just gotta open up to it.
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